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  • About
    • The Happy Fan Club
  • Offerings
    • Redesign Your Life 2.0
    • Get Creative
    • Personal Coaching
  • Creativity Conversations
  • LET'S CONNECT!
  • Blog
    • Live Free Your Way
    • Seeing Things Differently
    • Mistaking Assumptions for Truth
    • How Humor Keeps Us Sane
    • Know Thyself
    • Peach Pie for Breakfast
    • Explore Experience Express
    • Should You Be Downshifting?
    • Stop the Hustle!
    • Do Your Habits Serve or Sabotage
    • Settle Down? Down Where?
    • What Lights You Up?
    • Saying Yes When Your Mind Says No
    • Independence From What?
    • Letting Ourselves Off the Hook
    • Letting Go of Assumptions
    • Is Kindness Allowed?
    • How to Throw a Wrench in the Works
    • Happiness
    • Daring to be Lighthearted
    • What Happens When You See Things Differently
    • Find Delight in Everyday Life
    • Are You Saying What Needs to Be Said
    • Is Your Life in Alignment
    • Are You Trapped by Your Past
    • Can You Love Your Life
    • The Hallmark of Creativity
    • Out Of Ideas?
    • Waking Up to a New World
    • Are You a Possibilitarian?
    • Want to Love Your Life?
    • Is Creativity Necessary
    • What's Stopping You?
    • An Unexpected Discovery
    • Free Your Mind
    • Is Your Creative Genius Hiding
    • Empty Headed or Clear Minded?
    • Is Stress Really Necessary?
    • Will Creativity Improve Your Life?
    • Is Creativity In Your Future?
    • Replace Fear With Love
    • How to Get Out of Your Own Way
    • Just Take A Moment
    • You Don't Have To - You Get To
    • The Good News About Being Stuck
    • Interested in Inner Freedom?
    • Are You a Hoarder?
    • What Remains
    • Co-vid 19 Free Pass to the Roller Coaster
    • Grace Under Pressure
    • Now is the Time To Notice
    • Hanging With the Wrong Crowd
    • Make Your Life Simpler
    • What Could Be Different For You
    • Everything is a Miracle
    • Do You Have A Negativity Bias
    • Are You Really Seeing Or Just Assuming?
    • Happiness and Resilience
    • Wherever You Go, There You Are
    • Is Stress Making You Sick?
    • What I Wish My Humans Knew
    • Looking Backwards
    • Daring to Change Course
    • Lost in Thought or Taking Action?
    • Still Can't Focus?
    • Do Your Thoughts Get Dark and Gloomy?
    • Can't Focus?
    • An Instant Formula for New Ideas
    • Talk Yourself Out of Another Great Idea?
    • Is Your Busyness Keeping You From Getting Things Done?
    • What's that Feeling In the Pit of My Stomach?
    • How Cool is This?
    • How to Make Your New Year Happier
    • Why Be Open To Life?
    • Simple Ways to Transform Your Life
    • Get Clarity and Confidence
    • Are You Driven by Fear or Love?
    • The Number One Way to Keep Your Vision Alive and Well
    • Why Stop Trying to Figure it Out?
    • What Are You Trying to Prove?
    • Do Your Goals Reflect Your Hearts Desire
    • Why My Cat is My Spiritual Teacher
    • Surviving the Holidays
    • 3 Convincing Reasons
    • 3 Secrets to Enjoying the Holidays
    • 5 Quick Steps to Get Your Mojo Back
    • 3 Ways to Keep Your Energy High
    • 5 Reasons to Do Good
    • Pain Relief for the Soul
    • Tired of Living by the Rules? Go Rogue!
    • What? You've Made a Mess? Excellent!
    • Why You Need to Be Inspired Now
    • Change Your Life in Just 48 Hours?
    • The Cure For Mental Overload
    • 5 Infallible Ways to Stay Inspired
  • Newsletter

3 Good Reasons to Let Go of Resistance

2/2/2016

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There comes a point when it becomes painfully obvious just how exhausting it is to resist events in life.  For some of us, there have to be many such points until we’re ready to do something different. Here’s a typical scenario: You get up in the morning, you have a list of what you’d like to accomplish that day, including how you spend time with your family, what you’ll accomplish at work and what you’ll do to take care of your own well being. One by one, however, there are interruptions, delays, changes, and other unexpected events and before you know it, there’s no way you’re going to get everything done on your list. You’ll be lucky if you get half of them accomplished. Each time something happens that gets in the way of you doing what you think you need to do, you say no (whether out loud or to yourself). This is known as resistance. One of the things we do when we resist is to make people or circumstances wrong: “that shouldn’t be happening,” or “they’ can’t do that.” Your physical body tightens up, you feel the muscles in your neck and across your shoulders turning into cable wires, your feelings bounce back and forth between blame and anxiety. Sound stressful? It is. And the stress doesn’t just get to you: the energy you project when you’re resisting affects others and puts them on the defensive so they resist, too. A chain reaction starts and events can easily spiral out of control.

Everyone’s had this experience of resistance and nobody likes how it feels. So let’s consider some positive reasons to act differently.

First of all, letting go of resistance makes you feel better - in your body, in your feelings and in your mind. Byron Katie says that whenever we argue with reality, we lose. In other words, when we argue with reality, we are  resisting. Just because it may not be what you expect or intend doesn’t mean it’s wrong or shouldn’t be happening. As Katie would say, do you absolutely know for certain that your agenda is the best one for you and everyone else concerned? If you soften and open instead, what could you discover, what new information could present itself, what gift might arise that may never have been possible otherwise?

Secondly, letting go of resistance is empowering. Instead of daydreaming or wishing things were different, fretting about potential consequences or projecting an imaginary future, you can release the pent-up energy of the thoughts and feelings that have arisen. As you let go of them, they will let go of you. It may be hard to accept the reality that life may not go the way you want, but letting yourself inwardly allow what is happening outwardly gives you control over your own responses and helps others with theirs. 

Thirdly, letting go of resistance enables you to see new options. By consciously choosing to be where you are and be present, you can discover what else is available to you now other than the fulfilling of your agenda. Isn’t it a possibility that there just may be something you can benefit from? Why not explore it and see? Certainly being open and curious is a much more expansive posture than avoidance, denial or closing down and refusing to participate.

​We can begin to change our habitual resistance by noticing when we’re doing it. Your beautiful ability to be self aware will make it clear when you’re resisting: the quality of your thoughts and your feelings and your bodily sensations are unmistakeable. If you don’t like how they feel, choose to let them go. It’s really that simple. It may take a bit of practice in the beginning, but that’s true of any skill you want to develop. Aren’t you in a much better position to make choices and find the best in a given situation when you are willing to be curious about what’s showing up instead of what you expected? Instead of the strain of “what should be” you can relax and open yourself to “what is.” ​

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    Author

    Nina Lockwood, MSW, HTCP,  is a healer, teacher and coach.

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