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  • Home
  • About
    • The Happy Fan Club
  • Offerings
    • Redesign Your Life 2.0
    • Get Creative
    • Personal Coaching
  • Creativity Conversations
  • LET'S CONNECT!
  • Blog
    • Live Free Your Way
    • Seeing Things Differently
    • Mistaking Assumptions for Truth
    • How Humor Keeps Us Sane
    • Know Thyself
    • Peach Pie for Breakfast
    • Explore Experience Express
    • Should You Be Downshifting?
    • Stop the Hustle!
    • Do Your Habits Serve or Sabotage
    • Settle Down? Down Where?
    • What Lights You Up?
    • Saying Yes When Your Mind Says No
    • Independence From What?
    • Letting Ourselves Off the Hook
    • Letting Go of Assumptions
    • Is Kindness Allowed?
    • How to Throw a Wrench in the Works
    • Happiness
    • Daring to be Lighthearted
    • What Happens When You See Things Differently
    • Find Delight in Everyday Life
    • Are You Saying What Needs to Be Said
    • Is Your Life in Alignment
    • Are You Trapped by Your Past
    • Can You Love Your Life
    • The Hallmark of Creativity
    • Out Of Ideas?
    • Waking Up to a New World
    • Are You a Possibilitarian?
    • Want to Love Your Life?
    • Is Creativity Necessary
    • What's Stopping You?
    • An Unexpected Discovery
    • Free Your Mind
    • Is Your Creative Genius Hiding
    • Empty Headed or Clear Minded?
    • Is Stress Really Necessary?
    • Will Creativity Improve Your Life?
    • Is Creativity In Your Future?
    • Replace Fear With Love
    • How to Get Out of Your Own Way
    • Just Take A Moment
    • You Don't Have To - You Get To
    • The Good News About Being Stuck
    • Interested in Inner Freedom?
    • Are You a Hoarder?
    • What Remains
    • Co-vid 19 Free Pass to the Roller Coaster
    • Grace Under Pressure
    • Now is the Time To Notice
    • Hanging With the Wrong Crowd
    • Make Your Life Simpler
    • What Could Be Different For You
    • Everything is a Miracle
    • Do You Have A Negativity Bias
    • Are You Really Seeing Or Just Assuming?
    • Happiness and Resilience
    • Wherever You Go, There You Are
    • Is Stress Making You Sick?
    • What I Wish My Humans Knew
    • Looking Backwards
    • Daring to Change Course
    • Lost in Thought or Taking Action?
    • Still Can't Focus?
    • Do Your Thoughts Get Dark and Gloomy?
    • Can't Focus?
    • An Instant Formula for New Ideas
    • Talk Yourself Out of Another Great Idea?
    • Is Your Busyness Keeping You From Getting Things Done?
    • What's that Feeling In the Pit of My Stomach?
    • How Cool is This?
    • How to Make Your New Year Happier
    • Why Be Open To Life?
    • Simple Ways to Transform Your Life
    • Get Clarity and Confidence
    • Are You Driven by Fear or Love?
    • The Number One Way to Keep Your Vision Alive and Well
    • Why Stop Trying to Figure it Out?
    • What Are You Trying to Prove?
    • Do Your Goals Reflect Your Hearts Desire
    • Why My Cat is My Spiritual Teacher
    • Surviving the Holidays
    • 3 Convincing Reasons
    • 3 Secrets to Enjoying the Holidays
    • 5 Quick Steps to Get Your Mojo Back
    • 3 Ways to Keep Your Energy High
    • 5 Reasons to Do Good
    • Pain Relief for the Soul
    • Tired of Living by the Rules? Go Rogue!
    • What? You've Made a Mess? Excellent!
    • Why You Need to Be Inspired Now
    • Change Your Life in Just 48 Hours?
    • The Cure For Mental Overload
    • 5 Infallible Ways to Stay Inspired
  • Newsletter

Can You Love Your Life Even if it's Not Perfect?

4/12/2021

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Very few people will say that their life is perfect. But what really is perfection? Is it outside ourselves in our external circumstances or does it come from an inner understanding of who we are. That may sound esoteric, but bear with me.

I used to think my life was far from perfect because there were things that happened to me that definitely were not perfect. My father had his first heart attack when I was 10, and died 5 years later from a stroke. I was 15. My life didn’t unfold in a straightforward manner and like most everyone else, things didn’t unfold according to my expectations.

There are still moments when l find myself thinking what most of us have been taught - that something or someone needs to be fixed before I can love my life. But after doing some serious reflection over a period of time, I can say that I do, indeed, love my life, even though how it may look is definitely not “perfect.” 
And I no longer need to believe those thoughts that insist upon perfection.

You may be thinking this perspective is neither possible or even realistic, that there must be something wrong with me to love my circumstances when so much of what goes on both in the world and in my personal life isn’t perfect.

As I’m seeing it, the problem with this need-to-fix-first attitude is that both the experience and expression of love and happiness become conditional. Which means I can’t or shouldn’t express love or be happy until I take care of those things that need to be fixed.

There’s a lot that doesn’t make sense in this kind of thinking. For one thing, it means that good feelings are dependent on external circumstances and are only warranted when the right things (perfect partner/job/health/finances) happen to me. For another, this notion of perfection is a moving target - it changes depending on my state of mind and my definition of perfection.

All the wisdom traditions say that who we are, our essence or our true nature is love, peace and happiness - we’re born as that, prior to our circumstances or how we define them.  But if your experience is like mine, as soon as I was taught that only certain conditions deserve my love and happiness, I began to withhold them, not only from the world but from myself.

I suspect this withholding of our naturally-occurring love and happiness is not only the cause of our lack of authenticity and genuineness but a great deal, if not all, of our suffering. I know that was true for me.

When I withhold the expression of happiness and love, I isolate myself and my actions come from an unnatural and adversarial reaction rather than an open, honest response. That withholding doesn’t serve anyone and it prevents me from coming up with new ways to do things or solve problems or simply do what’s needed in the moment.

What if those natural expressions of love and happiness are not dependent on anyone else’s behaviors or the conditions of the world?

I’m not suggesting that we ought to express our feelings in a inappropriate, saccharine or overly overt way. There is a natural wisdom in love, and although we may not directly acknowledge that our actions stem from love, the wisdom contained in love will automatically be reflected in what we do.  And that expression can even be done in secret. No one needs to know why, but everyone will feel it.

Any notion of perfection implies that there’s a flaw or defect in who we are, what we’ve accomplished or achieved. Which then means there’s something we can or should do to make our lives perfect. We have a funny way of thinking that life should conform to our wants and desires. But what if how life unfolds is totally beyond our opinions or beliefs or expectations?

These are the questions I’m sitting with now: if I let go of my preferences and go back to what I already have, already am, is there any need for a definition of perfection? Is there any need to withhold that natural expression of love and happiness that comes from within? What if the answer to both those questions was no? How would it change my experience of life?

I’d love it if you’d share your responses to those questions with me.
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