Are you living from expectation or participation?
Perhaps nothing is wrong with your life, per se.
But what might be happening is that over the years your life has been shaped by obligation rather than participation.
Last week I took several days off. I let go of what had become an almost compulsive tendency to respond to emails, chores, expectations, responsibilities and the need to know what’s next.
I let myself drift (heaven forbid!). I took off my watch. I stopped trying to be productive. It was at times awkward, because I was going against the mental current of “needing” to get things done.
What if we didn’t need to be the captain of our own ship? What if life is always bringing us exactly what we need - in terms of opportunities, people and experience?
As I wandered, and sometimes stumbled, through these unstructured days, I would encounter two different scenarios. I could either react to something being asked OF me (see the to-do list above) or I could notice that something was being asked FROM me.
I could either react from a sense of needing to fulfill expectations or I could respond from a sense of curiosity.
If I was open to it, almost any activity I did could invite curiosity rather than obligation. Sometimes that happened when I looked at a blank page, or was asked an intriguing question, or noticed an unexpected detail in something I had seen a thousand times before.
When I put aside all the things I usually think need to get done, I once again found an open space of possibility that wasn’t predetermined. I used to feel the need to follow a specific plan of action so that I could predict a successful outcome.
Of course that’s often necessary in more quantitative aspects of our lives, but I’ve also found that when I make room for something unexpected to appear, there’s a sense of discovery that’s so much more alive than following a predetermined agenda.
And feeling a sense of aliveness is something many of us don’t feel. When I find it missing, it’s because I’ve been overly dutiful about “finishing my chores” instead of being present and actually participating in what I’m doing.
When relief is my only reward for getting something done, that’s when I know I’ve gone off course.
But, if I experience a deeper sense of myself, where I feel surprised or energized or connected to something “bigger” - then I know I’m being moved in the right direction. In those moments, it stops feeling like I’m the one trying to make life happen.
The distinction I become aware of is that life seems to want to express itself through me rather than needing to be managed.
I’ve found such freedom in allowing myself to intentionally participate in what’s right in front of me. As I live from the question of what wants to emerge instead of strong-arming my day, I lose the sense of obligation and find myself living from participation.
The phrase “walking with open hands” came to mind as I let go of the need to hold and control and manage.
And I find that life is always ready to put something new in my hands.
But what might be happening is that over the years your life has been shaped by obligation rather than participation.
Last week I took several days off. I let go of what had become an almost compulsive tendency to respond to emails, chores, expectations, responsibilities and the need to know what’s next.
I let myself drift (heaven forbid!). I took off my watch. I stopped trying to be productive. It was at times awkward, because I was going against the mental current of “needing” to get things done.
What if we didn’t need to be the captain of our own ship? What if life is always bringing us exactly what we need - in terms of opportunities, people and experience?
As I wandered, and sometimes stumbled, through these unstructured days, I would encounter two different scenarios. I could either react to something being asked OF me (see the to-do list above) or I could notice that something was being asked FROM me.
I could either react from a sense of needing to fulfill expectations or I could respond from a sense of curiosity.
If I was open to it, almost any activity I did could invite curiosity rather than obligation. Sometimes that happened when I looked at a blank page, or was asked an intriguing question, or noticed an unexpected detail in something I had seen a thousand times before.
When I put aside all the things I usually think need to get done, I once again found an open space of possibility that wasn’t predetermined. I used to feel the need to follow a specific plan of action so that I could predict a successful outcome.
Of course that’s often necessary in more quantitative aspects of our lives, but I’ve also found that when I make room for something unexpected to appear, there’s a sense of discovery that’s so much more alive than following a predetermined agenda.
And feeling a sense of aliveness is something many of us don’t feel. When I find it missing, it’s because I’ve been overly dutiful about “finishing my chores” instead of being present and actually participating in what I’m doing.
When relief is my only reward for getting something done, that’s when I know I’ve gone off course.
But, if I experience a deeper sense of myself, where I feel surprised or energized or connected to something “bigger” - then I know I’m being moved in the right direction. In those moments, it stops feeling like I’m the one trying to make life happen.
The distinction I become aware of is that life seems to want to express itself through me rather than needing to be managed.
I’ve found such freedom in allowing myself to intentionally participate in what’s right in front of me. As I live from the question of what wants to emerge instead of strong-arming my day, I lose the sense of obligation and find myself living from participation.
The phrase “walking with open hands” came to mind as I let go of the need to hold and control and manage.
And I find that life is always ready to put something new in my hands.