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  • Home
  • About
    • The Happy Fan Club
  • Offerings
    • Redesign Your Life 2.0
    • Get Creative
    • Personal Coaching
  • Creativity Conversations
  • LET'S CONNECT!
  • Blog
    • Live Free Your Way
    • Seeing Things Differently
    • Mistaking Assumptions for Truth
    • How Humor Keeps Us Sane
    • Know Thyself
    • Peach Pie for Breakfast
    • Explore Experience Express
    • Should You Be Downshifting?
    • Stop the Hustle!
    • Do Your Habits Serve or Sabotage
    • Settle Down? Down Where?
    • What Lights You Up?
    • Saying Yes When Your Mind Says No
    • Independence From What?
    • Letting Ourselves Off the Hook
    • Letting Go of Assumptions
    • Is Kindness Allowed?
    • How to Throw a Wrench in the Works
    • Happiness
    • Daring to be Lighthearted
    • What Happens When You See Things Differently
    • Find Delight in Everyday Life
    • Are You Saying What Needs to Be Said
    • Is Your Life in Alignment
    • Are You Trapped by Your Past
    • Can You Love Your Life
    • The Hallmark of Creativity
    • Out Of Ideas?
    • Waking Up to a New World
    • Are You a Possibilitarian?
    • Want to Love Your Life?
    • Is Creativity Necessary
    • What's Stopping You?
    • An Unexpected Discovery
    • Free Your Mind
    • Is Your Creative Genius Hiding
    • Empty Headed or Clear Minded?
    • Is Stress Really Necessary?
    • Will Creativity Improve Your Life?
    • Is Creativity In Your Future?
    • Replace Fear With Love
    • How to Get Out of Your Own Way
    • Just Take A Moment
    • You Don't Have To - You Get To
    • The Good News About Being Stuck
    • Interested in Inner Freedom?
    • Are You a Hoarder?
    • What Remains
    • Co-vid 19 Free Pass to the Roller Coaster
    • Grace Under Pressure
    • Now is the Time To Notice
    • Hanging With the Wrong Crowd
    • Make Your Life Simpler
    • What Could Be Different For You
    • Everything is a Miracle
    • Do You Have A Negativity Bias
    • Are You Really Seeing Or Just Assuming?
    • Happiness and Resilience
    • Wherever You Go, There You Are
    • Is Stress Making You Sick?
    • What I Wish My Humans Knew
    • Looking Backwards
    • Daring to Change Course
    • Lost in Thought or Taking Action?
    • Still Can't Focus?
    • Do Your Thoughts Get Dark and Gloomy?
    • Can't Focus?
    • An Instant Formula for New Ideas
    • Talk Yourself Out of Another Great Idea?
    • Is Your Busyness Keeping You From Getting Things Done?
    • What's that Feeling In the Pit of My Stomach?
    • How Cool is This?
    • How to Make Your New Year Happier
    • Why Be Open To Life?
    • Simple Ways to Transform Your Life
    • Get Clarity and Confidence
    • Are You Driven by Fear or Love?
    • The Number One Way to Keep Your Vision Alive and Well
    • Why Stop Trying to Figure it Out?
    • What Are You Trying to Prove?
    • Do Your Goals Reflect Your Hearts Desire
    • Why My Cat is My Spiritual Teacher
    • Surviving the Holidays
    • 3 Convincing Reasons
    • 3 Secrets to Enjoying the Holidays
    • 5 Quick Steps to Get Your Mojo Back
    • 3 Ways to Keep Your Energy High
    • 5 Reasons to Do Good
    • Pain Relief for the Soul
    • Tired of Living by the Rules? Go Rogue!
    • What? You've Made a Mess? Excellent!
    • Why You Need to Be Inspired Now
    • Change Your Life in Just 48 Hours?
    • The Cure For Mental Overload
    • 5 Infallible Ways to Stay Inspired
  • Newsletter

Are You Saying What Needs to be Said?

4/19/2021

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Picture
A few days ago, my dear friend's granddaughter made the chalk drawing pictured above after hearing her mother was feeling sad.

I was struck by how deeply this child's spontaneous and perceptive response touched me. No one asked her to draw this, or to make her mother feel better by making a drawing for her. It was an unfiltered expression, filled with tenderness. And because just seeing the photograph made me feel hopeful (I have things in my own life that appear challenging), I can only assume that it helped them both to process difficult feelings, each in their own way. 

How often do we express what we're feeling towards one another, especially when it might feel a bit awkward or we fear it might be misinterpreted? Our conditioning discourages us from speaking up unless we're not likely to get into trouble. But that need to play it safe is like a wall that keeps us from making a heartfelt connection that reveals our shared humanity, whether in sorrow or in joy - or just in everyday living. We all know that it makes a huge difference to be acknowledged: to know someone really sees you, hears you and "gets" you.

When I grew up, support and collaboration was much less common than competition and rivalry. The majority of the girls and women I encountered were taught to be highly skeptical of one another, which resulted in a lot of adversarial and competitive behavior and hurt feelings. As an adult, I was at first in disbelief and then great gratitude when I began to meet women who supported eachother, emphasizing their strengths and possibilities and encouraging them to step out and be who they really are.

Of course, men have had an equally difficult time expressing their emotions, having been discouraged from allowing themselves to be tender or vulnerable, whether with the opposite or the same sex. The macho ethic is still very much alive, but there are more cracks appearing now more than ever, perhaps because we've realized how fragile our lives on this planet actually is.

Recently I had an opportunity to share my appreciation for the many talents of a relatively new friend of mine. I saw something in her that I wanted to acknowledge, and at the same time I noticed there was a hesitation - would it sound weird to her? Would it come across like I was trying to get something from her by paying her a compliment?  Crazy thoughts. But that's what went through my mind, and I'm making an educated guess that those kind of thoughts happen to most of us, seeing as how we've all learned to filter our conversations so that what we say is acceptable.

That hesitation was only a momentary roadblock, and I didn't need to let those thoughts keep me from sharing something that I found wonderful. I knew that I wanted to express what I had seen more than I wanted to keep silent, so what came out of my mouth was, "one of the things I love about you is...." Obviously, we don't need to use the 'L" word when we're pointing out someone's traits or characteristics  - for some people and some situations, it's neither appropriate nor desirable. But to be aware of the place from which the impulse arises makes a huge difference. And knowing where that desire to share came from allowed me to share my impression with her, making it both a gift for me as much as it was an offering to her.

So now I'm asking this question of myself: do I - or am I willing - to share what might seem vulnerable or risky or could be misconstrued? Is the habit of wanting to protect myself stronger than my desire to feel that shared sense of being that occurs when I'm open and willing to express something that comes from honesty and appreciation? 

As I keep exploring this question, I'm finding that life really is  so much simpler, and so much more satisfying, when I see that the need for protection may not be as necessary as I used to think. Be who you are, the wise ones say. Beneath all apparent need for emotional wall building, the self doubt or second guessing, is a radiance and consolation that unites us all.

I'm all for living from that awareness. You?
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